#42: Your Thoughts Are Building Your Life

Your thoughts are not just background noise, they’re building something. This episode shows you how what’s happening beneath the surface shapes what you say, what you choose, and what you believe about yourself. If you’ve been stuck in fear, discouragement, or that low-grade heaviness that won’t quit, we’re going to get practical about your thought life and start swapping lies for truth.

Desireé shares a simple reframe that can shift your whole day: uncouple how you feel from who you are. Then goes straight at the uncomfortable part: what fills your heart eventually comes out. Your mouth reveals what’s stored inside, and how inputs like music, friend groups, gossip, and social media comparison quietly form your inner world. She even tells one on herself to show how consumption can create cravings that don’t match your real life.

If you’re ready to tend your mind like a garden, pull weeds daily, and grow something healthier, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review with the thought pattern you’re surrendering today.

Transcript

Welcome To Life Out Loud

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Ciao and welcome to Life Out Loud. I am your host, Desiree Melfi Bozo. We are going to use this space to share experiences and help you find lasting, unshakable, unwavering, unmessable with joy and gratitude. We're going to be throwing around encouragement a little bit like confetti and giving you support to live your very best life.

Why Thought Life Matters

Proverbs 23:7 Unpacked

Thoughts Shape Identity

What Fills Your Heart Spills Out

Guardrails For Media And Friends

God Can Renew Your Thinking

Freedom Awaits And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Ciao friends. Welcome back to the Life Out Loud Podcast. I'm Desiree Melfi Boatso, your host. Today I want to dive in to a little bit of proverbs, um, some things for us to think about as far as our thought life goes. If you're listening to this and you're like, hey, I know somebody who could totally benefit, uh, please pass it on. That is the coolest thing that can happen. Uh, is for you to hand this over to people that you know and love that can be um encouraged, that can find a little bit of hope, uh a little bit maybe happiness and joy from scripture and from the words in the Bible. So without further ado, let's dive in. Always, as always, let me know where you're listening from. I really love knowing who's listening to this. Of course, I look through the analytics and I do all the things, but like tell me real time, like who you are, what you're listening, where you're listening from, all of the things. All right. So without further ado, let's dive in. We are gonna start in Proverbs. So Proverbs 23, 7. I want to read this little verse to you. Proverbs 23, verse 7. For he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost. Eat and drink, he says to you, but his heart is not with you. Uh, it's talking about a begrudging host. You're probably like, where are we going with this? Don't worry. I have it all nicely packaged in a perfect little box for you to dive into. So, Proverbs, if you don't know, it helps remind us that our thoughts are really shaped by our character. Um, who we are is formed by the things we continually believe, by the things we dwell on, and by the things that we allow in our hearts. So I want you to think of Proverbs as a space in scripture that offers little concise sayings holding much weight when we unpack them. And unpack them, we will today. Um, one of the commentaries called Proverbs Wisdom in a nutshell. And I love that because this podcast is essentially little nuggets of scripture, uh, easy to dive into and digest as you go. Usually these episodes are short. Uh, so having some scripture that, you know, is easily consumable kind of fits right in here. Uh, some quick little wisdom in a nutshell that you can read, that you can listen to, and then ponder as your day goes on, right? Verse seven it challenges us to examine not just what we do, but what happens is happening beneath the surface in our minds. So, three things for us to start thinking about where our thought life is concerned. First one, I want you to know, understand our thoughts shape our identity. Okay. What we repeatedly think about becomes who we are. It's um, it's not like we can, we might be able to keep it separate for a short amount of time, but eventually who we are actually comes out in life. Negative thinking can lead to fear, discouragement, and wrong choices. We know that. I'm gonna point us over to Romans 12, verse 2. Do not, I've read this before. We know this one. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, after you're transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. When we renew our mind, we can begin to discern, and dare I even say, and I will say it because it's in scripture, test God's will, right? God desires for us to see ourselves, how he sees us, rather than through the lies that Satan likes to whisper about who we are, who he thinks we are, who he says we are. We're not our worst day, and we're not our worst mistakes. Some questions for you as we start thinking about this is what thoughts have you allowed to define you? What are the things that you say, this is who I am, right? There's something I um I teach in in one of my classes, and I I teach it to clients, and it's worthy of our time to talk about in here. I think I've talked about it before, but in case I haven't. So there's this exercise where you write down who you are. The difference is so often we walk around saying, I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, I'm so insert negative emotion there, right? Well, I want to push that a little bit. And it's not that we are tired and stressed, we feel tired, we feel stressed. It's not actually who we are. So when we can uncouple how we feel with who we are, we can start to change the game in our lives, right? So instead of walking around telling yourself these lies of, you know, I'm overwhelmed and I'm anxious. Well, maybe you feel that way. Also, there's a side note that like excitement and anxiousness and all of the pieces kind of show up in the same place. And so decoupling those is really important. Anyway, moving on. Uh, we can dive into that another day. But um, when we take who we actually are and we uncouple it with how we feel, then our minds can begin to be transformed. Because if we just walk around saying, I'm tired, I'm fearful, I'm scared, I'm this, I'm that, whatever, we can't try that's very hard to transform from those low power places. But we when we can say, I feel overwhelmed, but really I'm super capable, let's figure out how to navigate this. I feel a little bit fearful, but really, uh, I am a follower of Jesus and I know that God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind. Oh, now I can change the game, right? And so it's from these areas of possibility of who we are that we can actually start to change things. So back to our questions. What thoughts have you allowed to define you? Is it how you feel or is it actually who you are? Before God changes our actions, he often begins by changing our thinking. We have to begin paying attention to our thought life. The enemy is often going to convince us that we're defeated, unwanted, uncapable, stuck. When we allow God's truth to replace these lies, our identity actually begins to change. We're transformed by the renewing of our mind. Okay. Two people can face the exact same challenge in life. One has the mentality and the mindset of, I can't do this, completely gives up, walks away. The other, the other says, I am a hundred percent capable, though I might not know the next step. I'm going to persevere, I'm going to continue persevering and presses forward. The difference begins in the mind. Our thoughts shape our identity. Second point I want to talk about is what fills the heart. Ugh, this one's ugly. What fills the heart eventually comes out. We can try and hide it. We can try and hide the ugly in our heart. We all have it. It's there for all of us. You might be shocked at what somebody else's ugly really is. We can hide it for a little bit, but eventually it spills over into attitudes and actions. The heart of worry is what produces anxious words. A heart of anger produces a harsh response. Hearts of pride produce conceit. Hearts of faith produce peace and encouragement and hope. I want to be bop over to Luke chapter six, verse 45. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. Get this next sentence. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Marriage, they say, oh, and the honeymoon phase is over. Ah, they see you're ugly. It happens, right? Both ways. Both ways. You're both got ugly, right? Two sinners trying to make marriage work, trying to raise some kids together. What we allow in our minds, my loves, is going to settle into our hearts. From the music we listen to to the company we keep. And what settles in our hearts eventually shows up in our lives. What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of um what kind of words do those lovely little ballads say? Start thinking about that. What do your friend groups talk about? Do they sit around and bash their spouses? Do they talk about how awful their marriages are? Do they talk about how terrible their kids are? Do they gossip about other humans? Start thinking about this, start paying attention to this. Because what's inside eventually comes out. The things we let settle, the things we let into our minds eventually finds its way out. What we consume matters. What are you consuming on social media? I use this as an example a lot because it's so prevalent to our lives. We're all addicted to our phones. So what are the things that you're consuming? Who, who or what do you have to go in and unfollow? I know there's things for me that consume too much. I'm not my best self because I'm stuck comparing my life or I'm stuck thinking about things that I don't have or whatever the case may be. If we constantly fill ourselves with comparison and negativity and fear, we shouldn't be surprised when it starts to leak out into our lives. I'll tell you a funny one. I'll tell it on myself. I don't care. My husband knows. Usually we live it, I live in Michigan, right? Usually in the mitten around the 4th of July, my Instagram reel gets filled with boats and cottages. And and and usually the conversation with my poor husband is honey. And he knows he every time it, honey, do we need a boat? Honey, do you think we should look at find buying some lakefront property somewhere? And he always just looks at me and he's like, You don't like being outside, and you don't particularly really enjoy hot, humid Michigan weather. What do you need either of those things for? And I'm like, uh, he's totally right. I don't want a cottage, I don't want a boat, I don't even really like the water. I like looking at it, but like getting in it, no thanks, I'm good. But when I'm consuming everybody's Fourth of July weekends, when I'm consuming that, that's what starts to come out. And suddenly I forget, hello, you don't like mosquitoes, sweetheart, right? Uh also humidity in my hair just don't get along ever at all. Um, but in all seriousness, I'm using this as an example of how the things we consume start to like filter out of our mouths, regardless of their if regardless of if they are the truth for us. Jesus taught us that our mouths reveal our hearts. If we tear down other women, perhaps it's hurt and insecurity in ourselves. If you find yourselves enjoying to just gasp, did you hear what? Really? What is that hiding about you? What is so broken in your heart that it makes you feel okay or better about yourself that you have to go talk about another woman, another person, another whatever. Next one, if we constantly complain, if that's all, if we open our mouth and that's all that comes out is just complaining and nagging, perhaps we are so terribly discontent in our own life that all that comes out is negativity. Scripture talks specifically about a nagging wife. Don't do that, don't be that. What is so discontented in your life that makes you want to complain at every pass? If our parenting or marriaging is full of fear, is full of strife, perhaps we're feeding our anxieties and not our faith. Perhaps there's something in us that isn't standing in the truth of God's word. It's scripture is um it's it's a double-edged sword, right? It pierces joints and marrow. This is the sword we wield against the fear and the the life that happens. And if we're not speaking this, fear is gonna creep in and what's gonna bubble up and get produced is anxiety and and and all of those things. So, questions for us, what do we have to stop letting in? Okay, for me, between end of June, maybe first, second week of July, I don't go on social media. Why? Because it gets me feeling like maybe my life is not content when that couldn't be further from the truth. Next thing, next question. So stop letting it in, put a guardrail there. Okay, and yours might not be a boat and a mitten, but yours is something. We all have it. Figure out what yours is and then put those guardrails up so you don't get tripped up in life. The second one is what do we need to focus on filling ourselves with? What are the things that we need to focus on doing and being and feeling? For me, it's sitting by a pool where there's chlorination and no sharks and seaweed. That's mine, right? I I don't I don't need a lake. Just give me a nice pool where usually it's cement, so there's not a ton of mosquitoes. Win-win, right? So what are the things you need to let in? And I'm just using that as an example. It's one of my weird quirks. I'm using it as an example because I hope that it illuminates something for you because you have your thing. What is it? What's the thing that you need to um that that fills your heart that eventually is gonna come up with? Like, what's the thing that you need to start thinking about differently? What do you need to guard your life from? And then once you guard it, what do you have to start filling it with? Last thing, third point, God can change our thinking. You might have reached the point, this point in this podcast, feeling uh maybe a little bit stuck. You're like, oh, maybe you see places to change, but you don't know how. Uh, for this, I say good. That's a good thing. It's a good place to be. We don't have to know how, because God knows how. Philippians 4, verse 8. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Let's go. I can do that. God doesn't just say, uh, stop the stinking thinking. That's a Joyce Meyer reference. She always talked about, she always still talks about stinking thinking. What's your stinking thinking? So God didn't say stop that. Instead, he says, sweet daughter, think on the better things. Don't think on the things that are gonna pull you down. Think on better things. Lift your eyes up, lift your thoughts up. Recently, uh, something one of my students said literally stopped me in my tracks and changed the way I approach life. He said, You are what you are most okay with. And he said it, and I went, Oh my gosh, that I wrote it down and I haven't been able to stop thinking of it. And I hope it hits you that same way. You are what you are most okay with. I took that and I had a very long come to Jesus with myself. And if what I'm most okay with is in alignment with what God's will is for my life and what God is most okay with, and there were some places where it was so aligned, and my loves, there were some places where it so wasn't. The sum of who I am is what I am most okay with. And does that align with the banner of truth that is in this book? Does that align with the banner of truth that is in the Word of God? For the places of misalignment, it's not just behavior modification, it's about mind renewal. It's Philippians 4:8. God wants to transform us from the inside out. Look at your life. You are what you are most okay with. Does what you're most okay with align with scripture, with what God's truth is? We have to start digging into that. That's where God can go in and change our thinking, but we can He can only do it if we get really real about the state of affairs up here between our ears. I pointed, if you're listening on the podcast, I pointed to my head. God can transform us from the inside out when we spend time in scripture, when we pray honestly, God knows, anyways, you might as well just say the ugly thing, say the quiet thing out loud. He knows. When we surround ourselves with godly people, you are the sum of the company you keep. That's not just a cute little saying. You actually become who you hang around with and choose daily what to think on. It's a choice. You can choose any way to go, any way to think. What are you gonna choose? And then it's spring, and gardening season is uh very quickly upon us here. Our gardens don't become healthy and thriving because we go out and we weed at once. The good seeds have to be nurtured daily. They have to be watered, they have to have sunlight, they have to have nutrients, they have to have some fertilizer, they have to, the weeds gotta get plucked out of the soil. Our minds work the same way. Consistent tending to the good thoughts over and over and over. What fills our heart eventually comes out. We can only keep it hidden for so long. Our thoughts always end up shaping our identity, and God can change our thinking every single time. Think about the unhealthy thoughts and patterns that you need to surrender to God today. And then hand them over, my friends. Freedom awaits you on the other side. I hope this was encouraging. I hope you pulled some good nuggets of wisdom out of it. Come back next time. We're gonna throw more encouragement around like confetti. Be careful if you get too close, it's gonna get all over you, and that's gonna be it. So, we will see you next time. Cheers.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Thank you for joining me, Desiree Melfi Bozo, for this episode of Life Out Loud. I would love to hear from you. Leave me a comment, tell me what topics you want to talk about, and how you take your coffee. If you enjoyed what you heard, text a friend the link, share it on social media, or if you're interested in becoming a supporter, beep up over to my webpage, lifeoutloud.me, and sponsor a cup of coffee that keeps this podcast fueled. Until next time, sweet listeners.

unknown 22:00

Thank you.