How to Get from Pain to Peace : S2 E2

This podcast began because helping humans live their best life and become the best version of themselves is what Desireé’s life is all about. Join Desireé in Episode 2 of Season 2, as she uses her trips around the sun to throw encouragement around like confetti!

In Episode 2, Desireé talks about real and tangible ways to get from pain to peace. This coaching is vital because if we can't heal our past we could spend our present and future running from it or worse- repeating it.

Topics include:

• 3 things that happen when we face pain and trauma (2:21)
• Amazing Ann Voskamp quote (4:13)
• A bomb gets dropped about changing others (5:58)
• A truth about time (8:59)
• The thing that happens when we heal the past (12:19)

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Transcript

Desire Melfi Bozzo: 0:06

Ciao and welcome to Life out loud. I am your host Desire Melfi Bozzo. We are going to use this space to share experiences and help you find lasting, unshakable unwavering unmessable-with joy and gratitude. We're going to be throwing around encouragement, a little bit like confetti and giving you support to live your very best life. Ciao friends, welcome to episode two of season two of the life out loud podcast. I am your host, Desire Melfi Bozzo. Friends, thank you for joining me, thank you for spending your time with me. And for my first time listeners. Thank you for your abundance of curiosity. I have a really cool season planned. And last episode, first episode of season two, we kicked off talking about being made to lead and the attributes or skills of leadership, it applies to all of us, even those of us who think that we're not leading anybody, I promise you, it applies. Go back and have a listen if you haven't, but before we go too far down the living really great lives path. This episode, I want to slow it down back it up a little. And I want to talk about the past. We're going to get deep, really fast really quick. Hang on. Now, here's the thing. I want to talk about letting go of the past because if we don't truly heal our past, friends, we can create incredible, unbelievable futures, no doubt, right. But they're also futures that instead of being freely lived with joy, like full maximum joy, their lived running from the past. Now for all my Disney fans out there turns out that adorable like so adorable little monkey named Rafiki in The Lion King. He was absolutely right. The past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it. So let's get learning. Now, I want to talk for a minute about pain and trauma. And when we go through pain and trauma, there's really three things that happen in our lives. And it's important to understand what happens so that we can understand how we're going to react to what happens, right. So the first thing that happens is the lens we see the world through changes, this means the world isn't safe anymore, it means that we realize it's dangerous or scary. And it means we can be hurt, right. So that's the first thing the world, the lens, we see the world through changes. The second thing that happens is the way we handle situations change, we take on the thought that from here on out, we never ever want to feel that kind of hurt. And so we develop these coping mechanisms to try and never ever feel that terrible level of pain ever again. The third thing that happened is that our emotions actually become wounded. And that means that we carry these hurts deep inside us. That end up really coming out in relationships. We think we have them hidden from the world. But as we get close to people, they come out. This is really what intimacy does, it brings out the rawest parts of ourselves. Now, I don't know about you, but I would love to go back and change some things about the past or at least have hindsight when going through it. The truth is, I can't I don't own a DeLorean with a flux capacitor. And chances are you don't either, but also, like, on the side if you do totally message me. I digress. Also, I should have you know, before we get too far that humor is my way of dealing with pain or even like the idea of pain. Because if I'm laughing It can't hurt, right? Yeah. Moving on. This leads me right into a slice of Ann Voskamp book. She wrote a book, she's fascinating. She wrote a book called The Broken way. Ann if you are ever listening to this podcast, I adore you and I think you are absolutely magic. A quote from the broken way says pain begs to be felt or life will beg you to feel not one emotion at all. Emotions mean movement and emotions are meant to move you toward God. Now, before I get too far, I must be sure to address that. Talking about healing the past is not by any stretch of the imagination an easy topic and there are many, many levels and depths of past hurt and trauma that I am not all trained or equipped to talk about. If you find yourself in that space, if you find yourself being overcome to overcome with emotion, I urge you to reach out to a trained professional that can help you someone trained in trauma and in healing. Now, as we think, through letting go of the past and healing it to move forward into the present, there's a few things that I really truly believe can help us along the way. The first thing I want to talk us through is that we can't change other people, we can only change ourselves. I'm sure you can think of at least three people in your life that you would love nothing more than to change. If you out there don't have at least three, come talk to me, I will sell you a few of mine. Seriously. Funny. Funny thing about being human is that we can't actually change anyone except ourselves. And side note, usually if there's something that we can't stand in another person, it's usually a mirror of something in us that we might not like. But that's also another podcast topic for another day. The most significant thing you can do for a person that you want to change is don't turn it off after I say this is to radically accept them where they are. I know, I know, I can literally feel you rolling your eyes. But hear me out. Accept them in the space there and accept them, regardless if you like their choices or if you even agree with them. Because here's what happens. And here's the why. In this acceptance, blame melts away, which means finger pointing becomes non existent. radical acceptance isn't saying what happened is okay by any means. But it is saying you're accepting what is. In this acceptance, we're able to create space breathing room, if you will. And in this breathing room, the heaviness and the burden become lighter, and we realize that we no longer have to carry it. We no longer have to bear the burden and the weight, we no longer have to live beneath it. The realization that we can't change others, but we can practice radical acceptance leads to the next thing. Are you ready? Radical forgiveness. Now, wait before you cancel me hear me out. Radical forgiveness sometimes means forgiving another person. Friend, sometimes it means forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness is a choice and sets us free from hurt and bitterness and anger. Forgiving. Let me be really clear, forgiving doesn't erase anything that happened or make it okay. But it does clear a space for healing. Forgiveness releases you from the prison. Forgiveness rarely feels good in the moment involves dying to self and putting your righteousness aside and that is so hard I I can promise you that. But I've also experienced enough life to know that it's the things in life that sometimes feel the worst. That propelled us the highest radical forgiveness. Oh, feels terrible when we're in the middle of it. Man, when we get past it, when we truly radically forgive my friends, we are truly set free. After the acceptance and the forgiveness well and comes time, time heals things. I used to full disclosure naively say time heals everything. But I've lived enough now and I've seen enough now to know that there are things on the side of heaven that will never ever, ever, ever be healed. They will just start to hurt a little bit less. It doesn't change situations or outcomes or consequences. But it makes the staying a little less painful. Time doesn't always take away guilt or shame but it's subdues it enough to process it and then work through it. In a moment things happen that shake the foundations of your life into shambles and in time. The emotion takes a breath and exhales and the true healing begins. Time in its own time. heals. And so while time is passing, here's the last one. Be thankful in everything, for everything. I talk a lot about gratitude. And it's because it really does change everything. Find something to be thankful for in the situations that you face, even in the ones that cause you the most pain. I go back to

Romans 8: 10:27

28 a lot when I'm talking about gratitude, and I pulled it up again as I was, like, sketching out show notes and just getting you know, all my notes in order and thoughts in order and organized and, and I realized that it had already been highlighted, circled, underlined and started four times. This reminded me that I have revisited this promise in pain, a multitude of times. Romans 8:28 tells us, we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Friends, this means he's working for our good, even in the pain, even in the cancer, even in the miscarriage, even in the divorce, even in the death. God works for the good of those who love Him. When we can find the courage to be grateful, because gratefulness takes so much courage, we are able to keep hope, alive and faith, unwavering. We are able to focus on the things in life that are bigger than ourselves and our circumstances. Quite a few years ago, I started putting into action, these ideas of radical acceptance, radical forgiveness and gratitude and over time, friends, something happened. Well, situations and relationships and people didn't change. I did. I found that implementing these ideas into my life has offered a soul settling

peace, like the Isaiah 55: 12:07

12 kind of peace. I don't know about you, but I've searched the world and I haven't found that kind of peace. Until I started finding God. Standing in this peace, I'm able to lay down my pain and my hurts of the past, I'm able to lay down my broken heart, I'm able to lay down despair, and tragedy. With this pain lay down, my hands are now empty. They're empty to be used and filled with something new. I'm able to out stretch them and offer them to situations that truly need them. I can offer them to embrace others and love exactly where they are. I'm able to offer them to serve and to bring light into dark places. Friends is our time today comes to an end I want to leave you with a promise that I've written on my heart and revisited every time I'm discouraged. Joel was a prophet in ancient Israel. In the Bible, we find a verse that is like a balm to our aching hearts. It's one of God's promises of restoration. And I believe we can cling to it in our hardest moments of healing

the past. And Joel 2: 13:27

25, the Lord promises I will make up the years that have been lost. In our pain from the past, we have an El Roi, the God who sees me. I urge you friends do the hard work of radical acceptance. Practice radical forgiveness. Know that time heals wounds, and find ways to lean into God and gratitude. Hold fast to the promises and Joel and know that he is a God who sees and in that seeing He heals. Friends, He restores, I promise you. I have a question for you. I guess it's more of an invitation if nothing else, but would you like to begin to implement these ideas in your life? To heal pain in your past? That it's time you stopped carrying? Would you like to put down the heavy weight and the heavy burden that feels crushing some days? You don't have to carry it anymore. It will be hard. No doubt. I promise it'll be hard and painful at times. I've promised that too. But what it can offer sweet friends what it can offer. Friends that will save a life. That will enliven in our world. That might be have an impact our future generations for the better. Put the weight down, you don't have to carry the pain anymore. Friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope this was fruitful. I hope you were able to pull some wisdom from it to apply to your life. I hope it left you lighter. I hope it left you full of hope. Send me a message. I always love hearing your thoughts. Come back next time. I'm going to throw more encouragement around like confetti. Be careful. If you'd get too close. You just might get some on you. And like I mentioned earlier, remember to find something to be thankful for. Ciao. Thank you for joining me Desire Melfi Bozzo for this episode of Life out loud. I would love to hear from you. Leave me a comment. Tell me what topics you want to talk about and how you take your coffee. If you enjoyed what you heard, text a friend the link share it on social media or if you're interested in becoming a supporter, be-bop over to my webpage life out loud.me and sponsor a cup of coffee that keeps this podcast fueled. Until next time sweet listeners!